A pun is its
King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great
possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in
the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask
for a loan. Croesus
said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the
King protested. "Don't you know
who I am? I am the king!" Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a
Star, makes no difference who you
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were destroyed in
a fire, ...and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think
I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down.
You'll just have to be a little patient."
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins
that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One
day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some
more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to
wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately,
he was arrested and charged with -- transporting gulls across sedate
lions for immortal porpoises.
Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to
produce other products, and since they already made the cases for
watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so
bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than
California . This, of course, is the origin of the expression -- "He
who has a Tate's is lost!"
A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets
and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We
have absolutely nothing to go on."
An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.
After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip
of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew,
and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the
medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief
shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name
missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the
local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have
taken Leif off my census."
There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on
an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three
became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept
on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that
the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the
other two hides.
A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies
with the assistance of a tribal Brujo who indicated that the leaves of
a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When
the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the Brujo looked him in the
eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need
count was arrested for treason and sentenced to death by beheading. The
king offered him life without
parole if he confessed. The count refused so the execution was scheduled. As the
executioner raised his ax, the count yelled "I confess". But it was too late.
The ax fell. Moral: Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken.
And now for some shorter puns
The king of a small country in
Africa visited the king of England and when he went back home he ordered a throne as
grand as that of the King of England.
Problem: his hut was too small to house both the throne and a
bed. So he got his
wise men to come up with a plan so he could sleep in his bed. Their solution was to hoist the throne up
to the roof of the hut at night and move the bed under it. All went well
until the ropes broke one night and the throne fell and killed the king
leading to the moral: people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow